Hey, don't blame me, I just thought they were funny!!!

Four Blondes in four cars at a four way stop.

Why do Blondes have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

Three Blondes were driving to Disneyland. After being in the car for four hours they finally saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" so they turned around and went home.

What do SMART Blondes and UFO's have in common? You always hear about them but never see them.

What did the Blonde say when she opened the box of Cheerios? Oh look, Daddy...Doughnut seeds.

Why did the Blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice? Because it said concentrate.

Why do blondes always smile during lightning storms? They think their picture is being taken.

How can you tell when a Blonde sends you a fax? It has a stamp on it.

Why can't Blondes dial 911? They can't find the 11 on the phone!

What do you do if a Blonde throws a pin at you? Run, she's got a grenade in her mouth!

How can you tell if a Blonde has been using your computer? There is white-out all over the monitor.

Why shouldn't Blondes have coffee breaks? It takes too long to retrain them.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches every part of her body with her finger she says, "Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!" The doctor asks, "Where you ever a Blonde?" "Yes I was." she replies. "why do you ask?" The doctor answers, "because your finger is broken!"

A Blonde and a brunette were walking outside when the brunette said, "Oh look at the dead bird." The Blonde looked skyward and said, "Where, where?"

A brunette is standing on some train tracks, jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21" A Blonde walks up, sees her and decides to join her. She also starts jumping from rail to rail, saying "21" "21" "21" Suddenly, the brunette hears a train whistle and jumps off the tracks just as the Blonde is splattered all over the place. The Brunette goes back to jumping from rail to rail , counting "22" "22" "22"

How do you drown a Blonde? Put a scratch & sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

Why does it take longer to build a Blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

How do you get a twinkle in a Blonde's eye? Shine a flashlight in her ear.

Why don't Blondes like making KOOL-AID? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water in the little packet.

Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater? They went to see "Closed for Winter".

Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.Why won't they hire Blondes as pharmacists? A young blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum
and says:
"Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5,
but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10 ! That's good innit?""Yes darling, very good.""Is that because I'm blond?""Yes darling, it's because you're blond."Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at
school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D,
but listen to me:
A,B,C,D,E,F,G,H,I,J,K ! That's good, innit?""Yes darling, very good.""Is that because I'm blond, mummy?""Yes darling it's because you're blond."Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went
swimming, and well,
all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!"
She proceeds to flash her impressive 36-D's at her mum."Is that because I'm blond, mummy?""No darling, it's because you're 27."

A Blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly and of course the machine keeps feeding out drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face, "Can't you see I'm winning?!"

Two blondes were walking through the woods and they came to some tracks. The first blonde said, "These look like deer tracks," and the other one said, "No they look like moose tracks." They argued and argued for a while and they were still arguing when the train hit them.

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down!"

A young blonde woman is distraught because she fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a gun shop and buys a handgun. Then one day she comes home and finds her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her own head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with not to shoot herself. Hysterically the blonde responds to the husband, "Shut up...you're next!"

Hear about the blonde that got an AM radio? It took her a month to realize she could play it at night.

What happened to the blonde Ice Hockey Team? They drowned in Spring Training.

What did the blonde say when she saw the sign in front of the YMCA? "Look! They spelled MACY'S wrong!"

Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? To see what was on the other side.

How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday? Tell her a joke on Wednesday.

ALLIGATOR SHOES "A Blonde And The Alligator Shoes" A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The shopkeeper watches in amazement. Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Darn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

Three women escape from prison....one is a redhead, one a brunette, and one blonde. They run for miles until they come upon an old barn; they decide to hide in the hayloft and rest. When they climb up, they find three gunnysacks and decide to put them over their heads for camouflage.
About an hour later the sheriff and his deputy come into the barn. The sheriff tell his deputy to go up and check out the hayloft.
When he got up there the sheriff asked him what he saw. The deputy told him just three gunnysacks. The sheriff told him to find out what was in them.....so the deputy kicked the first bag, which had the redhead in it......and she went "Bow-wow" so the deputy told the sheriff there was a dog in the first one.
Then he kicked the one with the brunette in it and she went "Meow." The deputy told the sheriff there was a cat in the second one.
Then he kicked the one with the blonde in it and there was no sound at all, so he kicked it again, and the blonde said "Potatoes."
The Elevator A business man got on an elevator in a building. When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde already inside and she greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F" (letters only). He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T" (letters only)." She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T." The blond was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly "T-G-I-F" another time. The man smiled back to her and once again replied with a quizzical expression, "S-H-I-T." The blond finally decided to explain things, and this time she said, "T-G-I-F, Thank Goodness It's Friday, get it?" The man answered, "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday.
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and stops to entertain at a bar in a small town. He's going through his usual run of stupid blonde jokes, when a big blond woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and says:
"I've heard just about enough of your denigrating blond jokes, Asshole. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does a person's physical attributes have to do with their worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in my community, of reaching my full potential as a person ... because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blonds but women at large ... all in the name of humor."
Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the blond pipes up, "You stay out of this. Mister, I'm talking to that little bastard on your knee!"

Watch Out For That Tree
A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?" The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident. I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!" Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener."

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