|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Part 2: You may be a geek if... You have ever sent E-mail to someone sitting next to you. You have ever had a dream involving computers. You have ever modified an ini file. You would sell your grandmother for more bandwidth. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. You get up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your E-mail on your way back to bed. You've entered that USR X2 contest so many times you get e- mail saying "Forget it, Mike you are not going to win, just go buy the modem". You know what the USR X2 contest is. If you have ever dozed off while at the computer. Have ever e-mailed yourself . The tech support folks at your ISP call YOU for the tough ones. You have more than one copy of the same version of software on your machine. You have ever submitted a tip to windows95.com. You have ever chatted with someone while talking to them on the phone. You are surprised that there are other real foods besides pizza. - Subject: Computer failure This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the HelpDesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause." This is the actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee (now I know why they record these conversations!) Here we go: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?" "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." "What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." "Went away?" "They disappeared." "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing." "Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?" "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?" "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" "What's a monitor? "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" "I don't know." "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" "Yes, I think so." "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall." "Yes, it is." "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?" "No." "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." "Okay, here it is." "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." "I can't reach." "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?" "No." "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?" "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." "Dark?" "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." "Well, turn on the office light then." "I can't." "No? Why not?" "Because there's a power failure." "A power... A power failure? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?" "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." "Really? Is it that bad?" "Yes, I'm afraid it is." "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" "Tell them you're too damn stupid to own a computer." -------------------- 7 things to do to when your ISP goes down 1. Dial 911 Immediately. 2. Open the curtains to see if anything has changed over the past 2 years. 3. You mean there's something else to do? 4. Threaten your ISP with an impeachment vote. 5. Work. 6. Re-introduce yourself to your immediate family. 7. Get that kidney transplant you've been putting off. --------------- You may be a geek if... You've ever used a computer on Friday, Saturday and Sunday of the same weekend. You find yourself interrupting computer store salesman to correct something he said. The first thing you notice when walking in a business is their computer system. ...and offer advice on how you would change it. You've ever mounted a magnetic tape reel. You own any shareware. You know more IP addresses than phone numbers. You've ever accidentally dialed an IP address. Your friends use you as tech support. You've ever named a computer. You have your local computer store on speed dial. You can't carry on a conversation without talking about computers. Co-workers have to E-mail you about the fire alarm to get you out of the building. You've ever found "stray" diskettes when doing laundry. Your computer has it's own phone line - but your teenager doesn't. You check the national weather service web page for current weather conditions (rather than look out the window). You know more URLs than street addresses. Your pet has a web page. You get really excited when Yahoo adds your link. ------------- God was fed up. In a crash of thunder he yanked up to Heaven three influential humans: Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin and Bill Gates. "The human race is a complete disappointment," God boomed. "You each have one week to prepare your followers for the end of the world." With another crash of thunder they found themselves back on Earth. Clinton immediately called his cabinet. "I have good news and bad news," he announced grimly. "The good news is that there is a God. The bad news is, God's really mad and plans to end the world in a week." In Russia, Yeltsin announced to parliament, "Comrades, I have bad news and worse news. The bad news is that we were wrong: there is a God after all. The worse news is God's mad and is going to end the world in a week." Meanwhile, Bill gates called a meeting of his top engineers. "I have good news and better news. The good news is that God considers me one of the three most influential men on Earth," he beamed. "The better news is we don't have to fix Windows 98."
|
Thanks for visiting me. If you have any comments or suggestions you can write me a note right now or send me email later at jmackin@gol.com. |
