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1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally
take time to admire the entire course with special attention to
well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course
being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage
players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they
considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to
be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any
bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment
with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times in one match.
A man walks into a drugstore to buy condoms. The clerk asks what size. The
man says, "Gee, I don't know." The clerk says to go see Sophie on aisle 4.
He goes over to see Sophie; she grabs him in the crotch and yells "Medium."
He is mortified and hurries over to pay and get out of the store. Another
man comes in to buy condoms and the clerk again sends him over to Sophie in
aisle 4. She grabs him and yells, "Large." He struts to the register, pays
and leaves. A high school kid comes in to buy condoms. The clerk asks what
size. The kid is very embarassed and says, "I've never done this before. I
don't know what size." The clerk sends him over to Sophie in aisle 4; she
grabs him and yells, "Clean up in aisle 4."
-
A husband and wife decided they needed to use a code word to indicate
that they wanted to have sex, without letting their children in on the
idea, so they decided on the word "typewriter."
One day, the husband told his five year old daughter, "Dear, go tell your mommy that Daddy needs to type a letter. "
The child went into the next room and told her mom what Daddy had said,
and her mother responded, "Honey, tell your daddy that he can't type a
letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter."
The child went back to tell her dad what her mom had said. A few days later, the mother told her daughter, "Honey, go tell Daddy that he can type that letter now."
The child went into the next room and gave her dad the message. A few
moments later, she returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said
never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
----------------------
A little boy came down to breakfast one day. Since he lived
on a farm, his mother asked if he had done his chores. "Not
yet," said the little boy. His mother tells him he can't
have any breakfast until he does his chores.
Well, he's a little pissed, so he goes to feed the chickens,
and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he
kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a
bowl of dry cereal. "How come I don't get any eggs and
bacon?" Why don't I have any milk in my cereal, he asks?
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you
don't get any eggs. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get
any bacon, either. I also saw you kick the cow, so you
aren't getting any milk this morning." Just about then, his
father comes down for breakfast, and he kicks the cat as
he's walking into the kitchen. The little boy looks up at
his mother with a smile, and says, "Are you going to tell
him, or Should I?"
-------------------------------
NEIL ARMSTRONG
Lunar Landing
On July 20, 1969, as commander of the Apollo 11 Lunar Module, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words after stepping on the moon, "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind," were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
But just before he reentered the landau, he made theenigmatic remark: "Good luck, Mr. Gorsky." Many people at NASA thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet Cosmonaut. However, upon checking, there was no Gorsky in either the Russian or American space programs.
Over the years many people questioned Armstrong as to what the "Good luck Mr. Gorsky" statement meant, but Armstrong always just smiled.
On July 5, 1995, in Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter brought up the 26 year old question to Armstrong.
This time he finally responded. Mr. Gorsky had died and so Neil Armstrong felt he could answer the question.
In 1938 when he was a kid in a small midwest town, he was playing baseball with a friend in the backyard. His friend hit a fly ball, which landed in his neighbor's yard by the bedroom windows. His neighbors were Mr. and Mrs. Gorsky.
As he leaned down to pick up the ball, young Armstrong heard Mrs.Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex! You want oral sex?! You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
------------------------------
" Chinese Detective " !!
A man suspected his wife was seeing another man, so he hired the famous
Chinese detective, Chen Lee, to watch and report any activities while he
was gone.
A few days later, he received this report:
MOST HONORABLE SIR:
YOU LEAVE HOUSE I WATCH HOUSE HE COME TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISS SHE. SHE KISS HE.
HE STRIP SHE. SHE STRIP HE.
HE PLAY WITH SHE. SHE PLAY WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OUT OF TREE. I NOT SEE.
NO FEE, CHEN LEE.
------------------------
Beer versus Pussy
A beer is always wet.
A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot.
A pussy tastes better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.
24 beers come in a box.
A pussy is a box you can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy, you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy
Too much head makes you mad at the person giving you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the stands at a football game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy
If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.
Pussy can make you see God.
Beer can make you see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy
If you think all day about the next pussy you will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your old brand will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.
The best pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.
The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw
Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.
------------------
DARK IN HERE
-
A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, so she puts him in the closet and shuts the door. Her husband also comes home, so she puts her lover in the closet, with the little boy.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a baseball glove."
The lover remembering the last time, asks
the boy, "How much?"
Boy - "$750"
Man - "Fine."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball back and forth."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy - "$1,000"
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that, that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again."
-----------------
A high-school English teacher reminded her class of the final exam that would be given the following day. She told the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.
A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering.
When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Not an excuse. You can write with your other hand.
-----------------
--------------------- A tale of the land rover
Queen Elizabeth and Princess Diana were on an African safari, riding in a Range Rover, when they were ambushed by a group of bandits.
Being well-read thugs, they immediately recognized the royal ladies. "I know you," the bandit chief said to the Queen, "You're the richest woman in the world. Hand over all your money and be quick about it."
"I am terrible sorry," Her Majesty replied. "It is true that I am very wealthy, but I never carry cash on my person. You can search me if you like, but I have nothing to give you."
Frustrated, the robber turned to the Princess. "You never go anywhere without dripping with jewelry," he growled. "Hand over all the jewelry before I kill you both."
"I am so sorry," said Her Highness, "But this is a safari. It would have been in dreadful taste for me to wear any jewels. You can search me also, but I have nothing to give you either."
Growling with frustration and rage, the bandit chief ordered them out of the Rover, loaded it up with his men, and drove off in cloud of dust. After a little while, Princess Diana turned to the Queen by the side of the road and said, "By the way, I happen to know that you always carry a large sum of money with you. How did you save it?"
Primly, Queen Elizabeth replied, "Well, I saw the miscreants ahead on the road, and took the opportunity to hid my money in... ahem... a woman's private place, you know." Reaching down she pulled out a roll of banknotes.
The Queen continued, "But what about you, my dear? With my own eyes I saw the diamond set you had on this morning. How did you happen to save it?"
Blushing a little, Diana confessed "Well, I too saw the robbers lying in wait, and had enough warning to hide my jewelry in ... umm ... a woman's private place." Reaching down, she pulled out a handful of sparkling gemstones, and fastened them back in place.
The two ladies stood in silence for a few moments. Then the Queen remarked, "Pity Fergie isn't here. We might have saved the Rover."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. One glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
After she became conscious, the guy asked: I told you before we got married; why did you still faint? The girl said: you told me it was just like a baby.
The guy replied: yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"I never had sex with my wife before we were married, did you?"
"I dunno, what was her maiden name?"
The best part of wakin up is a penis in your cup.
----------------------------------------------- -
A man and his wife had been stranded on a deserted island for many years. The morning following a bad storm, a new guy washes up on the shore. The new guy and the wife are VERY attracted to each other right away, but they realize that certain protocols will have to be observed. The husband, oblivious to the pheremones floating around, is just glad to have someone new to talk to. "This is wonderful! Now we'll be able to have three people doing 8-hour shifts in the watchtower instead of two people doing 12-hour shifts." The new man is only too happy to help, and in fact volunteers to do the first shift.
He climbs up the tall tower and stands watch, scanning the ocean horizon for any ships. Soon the husband and wife start placing stones in a circle in order to make a fire to cook supper. The new man yells down: "Hey, no screwing!" They look at each other and yell back: "We're not screwing!" A few minutes later, they start to put driftwood into the stone circle. Again the new man yells down: "Heeey, no screwing!" Again they yell back, "We're not screwing!" Later they are putting palm leaves on the roof of the shack to patch leaks. Once again the new man yells down from high above: "Hey, I said no screwing!!" They yell back, "And we said we're not screwing!!"
Finally the shift is over and the new man climbs down from the tower and the husband starts to climb up. By the time he gets half-way up, his wife and the new man are already screwing their brains out. Once at the top, the husband turns around and looks down and says to himself: "Son-of-a-gun. From up here it DOES look like they're screwing."
----------------
Q & A
Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and a yeast infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
A: Miracle Whip.
Q: What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?
A: A bingo machine
Q. How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
Q. What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a bitch sleeps
with everybody at the party except you.
Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling
Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish
wife?
A. A. Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.
Q. How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two. The hard part is getting them in the light bulb.
Q. What's the definition of a Yankee?
A. Same thing as a "quickie," only you do it yourself.
Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention
of driving
Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic!
Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.
Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!
Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.
Q. Why do men snore when they lay on their backs?
A. Because their balls fall over their asshole and they
vapor-lock.
Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"
Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex
A. "Honey, I'm home!"
Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.
Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.
Q. What do hurricanes and women have in common?
A. They're both wet and wild when they come, and they take the
house and car when they leave.
------------- ------------------- The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together, and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?". "What ? You're crazy???!!!" "Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem." "No!! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..." "At this time of the night no one will show up.." "I've already said NO, and NO!" "Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too.." "NO!!! I've said NO!!!" "My love.. don't be like that.." At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with her hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!" ------------ A high-school English teacher reminded her class of the final exam that would be given the following day. She told the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asked, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class did its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, "Not an excuse. You can write with your other hand." --------------------------- A man walks up to a woman in his office and tells her that her hair smells nice. The woman immediately goes into her supervisor's office and tells him that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit and explains why. The supervisor is puzzled by this time and says, "What's wrong with your co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "He's a midget ---------- A woman went into a department store and told the clerk that she wanted to return a toaster for refund because it didn't work. The clerk told her that he couldn't give her a refund because she bought it on special. All of a sudden the woman threw her arms up and yelled, "Grab my Breasts! Grab my breasts!" The clerk didn't know what to do, so he called the store manager who asked her if he can help. She explained that she wanted to return the nonworking toaster for refund, and he told her that he would not give her a refund because she bought the toaster on special. Once again she yelled, "Grab my breasts! Grab my breasts!" The manager was taken aback and asked her why she was yelling that particular phrase. She replied, "Because I like my breasts grabbed when I'm getting screwed!" ----------------
This guy is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.
She comes up to the guy and says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years ! ", he says.
She reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag, and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!"
Then she asks, "How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?" He replies, "Ten years ! "
She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and gives it to him. He takes a long swig and says, "Wow, that's fantastic !"
Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit and she says to him, "And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?" And the man replies, "My God ! Don't tell me that you've got golf clubs in there !"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp you behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do
the same damn dumb things it did before.
Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp you behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do
the same damn dumb things it did before.
<
<
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at
the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of
water."
<
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing to a fat
fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the prostitute that got a degree in psychology?
She'll blow your mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---------------------
A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.
"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.
"What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman.
"Why?" he asked, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replied, "it's no where near long enough. It'll never reach!"
"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long.
"Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
"No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?"
"Well," he said, "It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me
on the forehead and pulling my ears all night."
---------------------
A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink.
Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life together; I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?" "Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks. "Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the
other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes
later. He
rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never
believe who I'm sleeping with!"
---------------------
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge."All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your
last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him
what to give you. He said, 'F___ him. Give him a dollar'...........
The breakfast......that was my idea."
---------------------
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."
10) "What the *&%# was that?" - Mayor of Hiroshima
9) "Where did all these *&%#ing Indians come from?" - Custer
8) "Any *&%#ing idiot could understand that." - Einstein
7) "It does SO *&%#ing look like her!" - Picasso
6) "How the *&%# did you work that out?" - Pythagoras
5) "You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michaelangelo
4) "I don't suppose it's gonna *&%#ing rain." - Joan of Arc
3) "Scattered *&%#ing showers, my ass!" - Noah
2) "I need this parade like I need a *&%#ing hole in my head!" - JFK
1) "Aw, c'mon, who the *&%# is gonna to find out?" - Bill Clinton
The Missionary
A missionary gets sent into deepest darkest Africa and
goes to live with a tribe there. He spends years with
the people, teaching them to read, write and the good
Christian ways of the white man. One thing he particularly
stresses is the evils of sexual sin. Thou must not commit
adultery or fornication!!
One day, the wife of one of the Tribe's noblemen gives
birth to a white child. The village is shocked and the
chief is sent by his people to talk with the missionary.
"You have taught us of the evils of sexual sin, yet here
a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are
the only white man that has ever set foot in our village.
It doesn't take a genius to work out what has been going
on!"
The missionary replies: "No, no, my good man. You are
mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence
- what is called an albino. Look to thy yonder field.
See a field of white sheep, and yet amongst them is
one black one. Nature does this on occasion."
The chief pauses for a moment then says, "Tell you what,
you don't say anything about the sheep, I won't say
anything about the white child."
--------------
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner." She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder. "Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."
"What's this, honey?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.
"Oh, it's just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too." No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.
Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.
"Here," he said to the 'statue', "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths' for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."
A dedicated shop steward was at a convention in Las Vegas and decided to check out the local brothels.
When he got to the first one, he asked the madame, "Is this a union house?"
"No, I'm sorry it isn't."
"Well, if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The house gets $80 and the girls get $20."
Mightily offended at such unfair dealings, the man stomped off down the street in search of a more equitable shop.
His search continued as long as you want to draw things out, until finally he reached a brothel where the madame said, "Why yes, this is a union house."
"And if I pay you $100, what cut do the girls get?"
"The girls get $80 and the house gets $20."
"That's more like it!" the man said. He looked around the room and pointed to a stunningly attractive redhead. "I'd like her for the night."
"I'm sure you would, sir," said the madame, gesturing to a fat
fifty-year-old woman in the corner, "but Ethel here has seniority."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Did you hear about the prostitute that got a degree in psychology?
She'll blow your mind...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
---------------------
A Martian couple and an Earthling couple have met and are talking about all sorts of things. Finally, the subject of sex comes up.
"Just how do you guys do it?" asked the Earthling.
"Pretty much the way you do," responded the Martian.
Discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.
The female Earthling and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weeny member; very short and very narrow.
"What can you do with THAT!?" exclaims the woman.
"Why?" he asked, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replied, "it's no where near long enough. It'll never reach!"
"No problem," he said and proceeded to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grew until it was quite impressively long.
"Well," she said. "That's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
"No problem," he said again and started pulling his ears. With each pull his member grew wider and wider until the entire measurement was extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaimed as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoined their normal partners and went off together. As they walked along the Earthling male said, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," she said, "but it was really wonderful. How about you?"
"Well," he said, "It was the weirdest thing. She kept slapping me
on the forehead and pulling my ears all night."
---------------------
A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink.
Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning but our guy manages to grab on to a piece of driftwood and, using every last ounce of strength, swims a few miles through the shark-infested sea to a remote island.
Sprawled on the shore nearly passed out from exhaustion, he turns his head and sees a woman lying near him, unconscious, barely breathing. She's also managed to wash up on shore from the sinking ship. He makes his way to her, and with some mouth-to-mouth assistance he manages to get her breathing again. She looks up at him, wide-eyed and grateful and says, "My God, you saved my life!" He suddenly realizes the woman is Cindy Crawford!
Days and weeks go by. Cindy and our guy are living on the island together. They've set up a hut, there's fruit on the trees, and they're in heaven. Cindy's fallen madly in love with our man, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum.
"What's the matter, sweetheart?" she asks, "We have a wonderful life together; I'm in love with you. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?"
He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt?" "Sure," she says, "if it will help." He takes off his shirt and she puts it on.
"Now would you put on my pants?" he asks. "Sure, honey, if it's really going to make you feel better," she says. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says, and does. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?"
She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a few minutes later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!"
---------------------
It was George the Mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.
When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge."All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'F___ him. Give him a dollar'........... The breakfast......that was my idea."
---------------------
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.
"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."
-------------
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young couple are on their way to Vegas to get married. Before getting there, the girl said to the guy that she has a confession to make: the reason that they have not been too intimate is because she is very flat chested. If the guy wishes to cancel the wedding, it is okay with her.
The guy thought about it for a while, and said he does not mind she is flat, and sex is not the most important thing in a marriage.
Several miles down the road, the guy turned to the girl and said that he also wants to make a confession; he said below his waist, it is just like a baby. If the girl wants to cancel the marriage, it is okay with him.
The girl thought about it for a while and said that she does not mind, and she also believed there are other things far more important than sex in a marriage.
They were happy that they are honest with each other. They went on to Vegas and got married. On their wedding night, the girl took off her clothes; she is as flat as a washboard. Finally, the guy took off his clothes. One glance at the guy's naked body, the girl fainted and fell to the floor.
After she became conscious, the guy asked: I told you before we got married; why did you still faint? The girl said: you told me it was just like a baby.
The guy replied: yes, 8 pounds and 21 inches.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I never had sex with my wife before we were married, did you?"
"I dunno, what was her maiden name?"
---------------------
Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong.
Those who don't have it may agree that it's an nifty toy, but think it's not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who don't have it would like to try it.
It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it hard to get any real work done.
In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it for fun most of the time.
Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.
Sometimes it's hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread viruses.
It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think coherently.
We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size and influence warrant.
If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it will warp you behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do that?"
It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will just do
the same damn dumb things it did before.
It seems Mr. Gorsky had finally died and so he felt he could answer.
When he was a kid, he was playing ball. His brother hit a fly which landed in front of the Gorsky's bedroom window. As he leaned down to pick it up, he heard Mrs. Gorsky shouting at Mr. Gorsky. "Oral sex, oral sex you want? You'll get oral sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!"
----------------
1. Each player shall furnish his own equipment for play - normally
one club and two balls.
2. Play on a course must be approved by the owner of the hole.
3. Unlike outdoor golf, the object is to get the club in the hole
and keep the balls out.
4. For most effective play, the club should have a firm shaft.
Course owners are permitted to check shaft stiffness before play
begins.
5. Course owners reserve the right to restrict club length to avoid
damage to the hole.
6. The object of the game is to take as many strokes as necessary
until the course owner is satisfied that play is complete.
Failure to do so may result in being denied permission to play the
course again.
7. It is considered bad form to begin playing the hole immediately
upon arrival at the course. The experienced player will normally
take time to admire the entire course with special attention to
well formed bunkers.
8. Players are cautioned not to mention other courses they have
played , or are currently playing, to the owner of the course
being played. Upset course owners have been known to damage
players equipment for this reason.
9. Players are encouraged to bring proper rain gear for their own
protection.
10. Players should ensure themselves that their match has been
properly scheduled, particularly when a new course is being
played for the first time. Previous players have been known to
become irate if they discover someone else playing on what they
considered to be a private course.
11. Players should not assume a course is in shape for play at all
times. Some players may be embarrassed if they find the course to
be temporarily under repair. Players are advised to be extremely
tactful in this situation. More advanced players will find
alternative means of play when this is the case.
12. The course owner is responsible for manicuring and pruning any
bush around the hole to allow for improved viewing of, alignment
with, and approach to the hole.
13. Players are advised to obtain the course owners permission before
attempting to play the back nine.
14. Slow play is encouraged. However, players should be prepared to
proceed at a quicker pace, at least temporarily, at the course
owners request.
15. It is considered outstanding performance, time permitting, to
play the same hole several times in one match.
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain and as it was still early, she decided to go the party. In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice chick he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there. His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new stuff that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband. Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little bang. Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had. He said, "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there." Then she asked, "Did you dance much?" He replied, " I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to! "
---------------
Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now dead Prince, she happily sat upon her rocking chair, watching the world go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
One sunny afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years??"
The Fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns?"
Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful consideration, and almost under her breath she uttered her first wish:
NORTHEASTERN'S BEST PICKUP LINES
1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
2. Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell I
just met the girl of my dreams.
OR:
I want to call your mother and thank her.
3. Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the
stars and put it in your eyes? [Be ready with a snappy answer in case they
say "yes."]
4. You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.
5. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and
take what I want?
6. Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did
anyway.
7. The word of the day is "legs." Let's go back to my place and spread
the word.
8. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
9. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor
tomorrow morning.
10. My name's [your name]. That's so you know what to scream.
11. My name's [your name], but you can call me "lover."
12. Nice shoes. Wanna fuck?
13. Can I flirt with you?
14. Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of
buns.
15. [Look at his/her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":]
Checking to see if you were made in heaven.
OR:
Checking to see if you're the right size.
16. All those curves, and me with no brakes.
17. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
18. Fuck me if I'm wrong, but don't you want to kiss me?
19. I like every bone in your body, especially mine.
20. [Grab his/her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?
21. Is it hot in here or is it just you?
22. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart.
23. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
24. How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
25. Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
26. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?
27. So... How am I doin'?
28. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet
clothes?
29. [Tap your thigh] You just think this is my leg.
30. The first time is always the hardest.
31. Excuse me, are you on the pill?
32. Hi there. Do you swallow?
33. Wow! Are those real?
34. Hey babe, wanna make an easy fifty bucks?
35. Nice dress/pants, can I talk you out of it?
36. Wanna fuck like bunnies?
37. Bond. James Bond.
38. Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.
39. Wanna play carnival? That's where you sit on my face and I try to
guess your weight.
40. Sex is a killer...want to die happy?
41. I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name
was included.
42. I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see
a pretty girl smile. So, would you smile for me?
43. So, do you wanna see something really swell?
44. I had sex with someone last night. Was that you?
45. Do you take it up the ass?
46. Is that a tic-tac in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?
47. Have you got a little Irish/German/Spanish/Italian/etc in you?
Uh...no....
Well, do you want some?
48. What would you do if I kissed you right now?
49. Pardon me but I was just about to go home and masturbate and I was
wondering if you'd mind if I fantasize about you?
50. Hi, do you know why you should masturbate with *these* two fingers?
(holding up any two)
Obvious reply: No, why?
Because they're mine.
51. I'm drunk.
52. Miss, if you've lost your virginity, can I have the box it came in?
53. I think we must make love on the front lawn like crazed weasels NOW!
54. You know, I'd really love to fuck your brains out, but it appears
someone beat me to it.
55. Ever tried those weird prickly condoms?
56. Hey, somebody farted. Let's get out of here.
57. You've got the whitest teeth I've ever come across.
58. Do you sleep on your stomach?
No.
Can I?
59. Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?
60. Pull my finger.
61. Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us.
62. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
63. Do you wanna go out for a pizza and a fuck?
What, don't you like pizza?
64. Your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas.
Can I come between the holidays?
65. (Use index finger to call someone over then say) I made you come with one
finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
66. Your underwear must be made out of Windex, because I can see myself
in them tonight.
67. They say love is a many splendored thing. Let's make some and find out...
68. Hi. I go down on the first date...how about you?
69. Hi, what's a girl like you doing in a nice place like this?
70. To a woman: Hey baby, can i tickle your belly from the inside?
71. Do you like apples? [Yes] How 'bout I take ya home and fuck the shit out
of ya, how'd ya like dem apples?
72. Excuse me. Do you wanna fuck or should I apologize?
73. Hi! Can I buy you a car?
74. Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
75. I'll suck you so hard that you'll have to pick the sheets out of your
ass when I'm finished.
76. Will you marry me and have my children?
(unfortunate side-effects: beware!)
77. Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak
heart.
78. I want to thank you for [insert any event here], grab your ankles bitch!
79. Ya know, if we cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
80. Hey, baby, wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?
|
Thanks for visiting me. If you have any comments or suggestions you can write me a note right now or send me email later at jmackin@gol.com. |
