Letters from Kay Leaving
March 9

     You hesitated to talk about what it is like to 'go back' and I know we all do it differently. You were so afraid that you would tell me something 'wrong,' or tell it in the wrong way that that I might mistakenly think it will be so great…. or that you would end up painting such a bad picture that I'd be truly, truly stymied as what to do.  

     That told me the biggest truth, that it is hard. Being ready for it to be hard is a great help, because now I see that hoeing up the roots and burning the stumps is not the whole story, but only the prelude. The story, as stories always do, consists of 'what happens next.' What a help your letter was in focusing on exactly what I needed to frame the plot of my 'going back story': money; place; and transition back. 

MONEY ! The ever-present challenge, but as big as Mt Fuji with a tiny tiny pension and the need to earn my way in my mid-60s. So for you to share your own approach to money-for-seniors was really a gift. We aren't the same, but you helped me look at this picture straight on.  I'll have half of what you do, and so my glass is half full. I, too, like doing 'interesting' things and going interesting places, and meeting interesting people. There's surely enough in the glass to do it with ingenuity. Knitting and macrame projects just won't take the place of being in faraway places often. So, to 'have it all,' means crunching the numbers, as another friend advised, and trimming more than the waistline. For that I will go back to www. savekaryn.com, Karyn Bosnak's wildly amusing web site, on which you will find Kay from Kobe listed in the 'thank you list.' Karyn now has a book out about the experience of trimming to the bone, which goes to show that half-full glass can water the seeds of ingenuity and even make money grow. From her site, I'll again pull out some humor, some creativity, and crunch those numbers with a pinch of each. 

      PLACE:  For you, you have found your place. I know where mine is, but not how to get there. I used to be a country girl, and somehow turned into a city girl...the reverse of what would have been good for youth and old age, but, there it is.  You also said you don’t have many close friends nearby, and that you were actually beginning to realize you rather like it that way…you still enjoy going to the movies alone, for example. Timely article in the Japanese newspaper yesterday, 'One becomes trendiest number as Japanese women seek solitude in droves.' Restaurants and karaoke bars cater to these women alone, as do long-distance busses and trains.   Comparing men to dogs in packs and women to solitary, contented cats, the article ended, 'So

 perhaps today's go-it-alone woman is not a cat so much as a self-assured lioness.'  Hold that thought.

     You said you do a lot of volunteering, and this is a rewarding idea.....new paths. Your advice: pick my  PLACE carefully, for it is really important.  And, you said to remember I can try several places.  This will no doubt take energy, guts and in all probability, $$$$.  But better to be happy and a little more broke than miserable in the wrong place. I don't want to retire to cheap Costa Rica or the interior of Oregon, so this will take some doing. Maybe I can volunteer myself to my 'place.' Hmmmm.  

     TRANSITION BACK: You asked: does anyone ever truly transcend, transit, transfer back??  Now I am not sure about fond remembrances of Japan, but they will surely come, not only the efficient transportation (but not the masses of people), not only the safety, not only the expat high of being the ‘odd’ one, not only the good money to be had in Japan, not only the fresh food, but likely things I thought I hated....we'll see. But the way back will be long, and a new chapter. I think leaving is the big issue, but I have been leaving for a long long time. Being back is the real deal. And I remember an excellent piece of advice: don't talk about where you came from and how 'they' did things there. I'll try.

      Summary:  So dear friend, you shared your honest view of your own going back and you guessed that  it is probably time for me to 'come back,' and you guessed again that it could be quite the experience, and yet banal (after all many, many have done it before us).  Finding the gladness will be a daily check, and resetting the cogs in the wheel will take time. Being in the bosom of the family will be new, and likely create a steadier base for all that is to come. Being a nomad and being home....blending those will be the ultimate challenge. 

          I had to laugh, we ladies of a certain age always get back to one last serious thought--the issue of relationships.  You gave me the advice that if I really want a partner (and there are some real pluses to having a partner) I need to really work at it starting NOW!!  There is a huge, huge pool of like minded women, all equal to our charm and looks.  They (men), like us, have their issues (health, children, money, etc.), but considering all, the partner/marriage route is best done sooner than later, you said. After all, having an escort, a strong shoulder, a buddy, would be nice, but I have heard tell that even for younger women finding such is the equivalent of a full-time job. The effort is daunting. Is there time to devote to it? Is it essential, so that the time must be given to it like to a full-time job?

     What will be the new things? What will I write on March 9, 2005? What will I have found, where will I be on life's path? 

     Stay tuned, dear friend, and thank you for your honesty, friendship and flair. 

                                                        Kay

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