Ham the 'Sinner'
Since Ham's 'Declaration' of 1953, he had not belonged to any Christian denomination; instead as a maverick thinker he was fascinated with the philosophy of Lao-tzu and Chuang-tzu. But at the same time Ham remained in some way a Christo-centric believer until he committed a 'sin' in 1960. In Ham's own words: "I committed a sin which was totally indefensible." No one knows precisely what the 'sin' was. There is a rumour and some associates maintain that: "Ham had an affair". Yu Yongmo, Ham's lifelong ascetic teacher, even publicly reproached Ham for his sin and declared that he would not accept Ham as his disciple anymore. Indeed Yu died in 1981 having never forgiven Ham. Certainly, Yu's reproach in public was a great shock to Ham and made him a man of sorrow. Subsequently this incident became a public scandal and many of Ham's followers left him, criticising him severely.
On the other hand, Ham's close disciples, such as Chang Chunha, Ahn Byungmu, Kim Donggill and others consoled Ham in his sorrow. But the details of this incident have remained unspecified up to the present: to what degree and how long was he involved with the woman in question? Was it ever more than a Platonic love? The extent of this scandal may be indicated by the fact that the woman in question went to study abroad in the United States not long afterward this event. During the 1970s and 1980s she worked actively as one of the delegates for the Korean lobby group with American Congressmen including Edward Kennedy, on behalf of Korean human rights issues. She has also maintained a close connection with Kim Daejung (current President of Korea) since the 1970s.
The woman in question did not return to live in South Korea until after the death of Ham but while she was in the United States, she remained in contact with Ham. In 1992 and 1993, I visited this woman's house. At this time she was in her early 50s and unmarried. She was a university professor in South Korea and as I entered her study room I found two photographs on her study table, one was Mahatma Gandhi, the other one was Ham. I am still not so sure whether she loved Ham as a man or admired him as a teacher (maybe both), nevertheless I could feel her overwhelming affection towards Ham.
Here I see a parallel between Ham and Percy B. Shelley: After his elopement with Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin (1797-1851), Shelley found that the general public, his family, and most of his friends regarded him not only as an heretic and revolutionary but also as a gross immoralist. After his 'sin', Ham also felt that the general public, some of his relatives, and most of his associates considered him not only as a seditious heretic but also as a dishonourable libertine. As I mentioned the above even Ham's long-time teacher, Yu Yongmo, criticised Ham in public. Yet unlike in Shelley's case, Ham's immediate family members did not speak in public of his difficult situation. This would have been a normal Korean reaction to a sense of shame, but Ham's immediate family may also have felt sympathy and have considered the potential damaging side effects of Ham's sin, which could have been used as propaganda against his civil rights activities.
Subsequently Ham was left alone with his agony. At this time he spoke of the agony and the difficulties he had as a lonely sinner: "It was only after I became a sinner that I came to realise that the forgiveness of sins is the greatest thing that can happen to a man." Ham bitterly experienced how severely a sinner could be separated from the rest of society. In the midst of his inner turmoil, and for some time, Ham felt very lonely and isolated from the rest of society. It seems to me that in some ways Ham held very orthodox Christian beliefs regarding his sin and forgiveness. As time went on this feeling of loneliness increased. Through one of his letters at that time to Ahn Byungmu, we can see how much Ham felt this loneliness as a sinner: "The greater wrong a man does the greater is his need for a friend. --- I am dying! I shouldn't die. A friend, I don't have a friend! I need a friend. --- 9th October 1960." Accordingly Ham came to know anew that man cannot live alone. Later on, this bitter experience led Ham to think deeply about the relationship between an individual and wholeness.
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