Here comes my favorite ...
The time will come when diligent research over long periods will bring to light things that now lie hidden. A single lifetime, even though entirely devoted to the sky, would not be enough for the investigation of so vast a subject ... and so this knowledge will be unfolded only through long successive ages. There will come a time when our descendants will be amazed that we did not know things that are so plain to them. ... Many discoveries are reserved for ages still to come, when memory of us will have been effaced.
Seneca quoted by Carl Sagan, a great teacher.

"Here's to alcohol. The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."
-- Homer Simpson.

All the energy ever received by all radiotelescopes in the world amounts to less than that of a snowflake falling to the ground.
Carl Sagan.
Hard to believe, but that is what he says in "Cosmos". Could he be bullshitting us? Would he do that? My physicist friend Milton Obote confirms the correctness of the figure. Funny. It's the laymen who find it hardest to believe this amazing figure. ons of steelbeing so delicate and sesiive ....

Money isn't everything, but it's sure better to cry on a sport car than on the Mètro.
Francoise Sagan

I am an idealist. I don't know where I'm going but I'm on the way.
Carl Sandburg

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.
George Bernard Shaw

Martyrdom...is the only way in which a man can become famous without ability.
George Bernard Shaw

Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
George Bernard Shaw

The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.
George Bernard Shaw
(it's a nice quote, but of course he is trying to convince people to become Fabians, and he really means "I'm unreasonable therefore great")

My clan against the enemy,
my family against the clan,
my brother and I against my family,
myself against my brother.

Somali proverb

The worst thing about being old is remembering when you was young.
Alvin Straight (from the movie "The Straight Story")

If a man wishes to be sure of the road he treads on, he must close his eyes and walk in the dark.
St. John of the Cross

Because that's where the money is.
Criminal Willie Sutton when asked why he robbed banks. This quotation is apparently apocryphal, but funny anyway.

They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist ...
Last words of American General Sedgewick, killed during the American Civil War apparently when he least expected it.

But the feelings I would have wanted to express have themselves destroyed whatever energy and willpower would have been required to express them.
From a very intelligent and eloquent, very disturbing suicide note I got from a friend (who did not kill himself).

A stunning collection of Surprising Stupidities donated by Koji Asada, our secret agent in this country.

1. Question: If you could live forever, would you and why
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever." ---Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest

2. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that but not with all those flies and death and stuff." ---Mariah Carey

By the way, the quote is apocryphal, as Mariah herself has explained. Who cares? It could be true and it's wicked and funny. She is also mistakenly supposed to have said, at hearing of the death of King Hussein of Jordan.
I am absolutely devastated. I love basket.

3. "Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are."
---Matt Lauer on NBC's Today Show, August 22

4. "I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law." ---David Dinkins, New York City Mayor (answering accusations that he failed to pay his taxes)

5. "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." ---Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a federal anti-smoking campaign.

6. "I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
---Winston Bennett, Univ. of KY basketball forward

7. "Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country."
---Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC

8. "We're going to turn this team around 360 degrees."
---Jason Kidd, upon his drafting to the Dallas Mavericks

9. "I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president."---Hillary Clinton (commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents)

10. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese."
---Former French President Charles De Gaulle

11. "That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it."---A Congressional Candidate in Texas

12. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
---Former U.S. Vice-president Dan Quayle)

13. "Without censorship, things can get terribly confused in the public mind." ---General William Westmoreland

14. And last but not least, a parting word from Dan Quayle:
"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."

To fully appreciate this wonderful gift from the superlatively gifted gaffer and former Vice President of the US, you must take into consideration that Phoenix is in Arizona.